“As I sit in my flat scrolling through the profiles and cringing at the comments and requests men send me, I wonder, ‘What happened to romance?’”
In this month’s issue, Alexandra Jorgenson discusses Regency courtship in comparison to modern-day online dating.
When you think of love and courtship in the Regency Era, thoughts of glittering balls, promenades, and chivalry may come to mind. Television shows such as Bridgerton and movies like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the era. Jane Austen’s novels have had many readers longing for the courtships of days of old, especially with the world of modern dating looking the way that it does. But why is that we traded in dance cards for Tinder swipes? When did grand ballrooms become overcrowded nightclubs? The world has changed drastically in the last two centuries, and the question is where do love and romance fit in this new era?
Now imagine what would happen if an Austen heroine tried her luck at modern love? How would she cope with the trials and tribulations of online dating? Would she sink or swim? In my one woman show, Tales of a Jane Austen Spinster, I answer that question. The tale follows Lilliana, a fictional spinster left behind in Jane Austen’s drafts collecting dust over the years. Being fed up about not getting her happily-ever-after, she escapes her pages and seeks out Jane in the real world. She doesn’t find Jane, but she does come across a cell phone filled with apps promising love. Deciding to put fate into her own hands, she embarks to brave this new world. Easier said than done! Lilliana soon finds herself struggling to respond to unsolicited images, improper requests, and the struggles and expectations of women in the real world. A hilarious and heartwarming comedy, Tales of a Jane Austen Spinster dives into the questions of accepting the terms of the world you were created for or going out and writing your own story.
Alexandra Jorgenson as Lilliana in “Tale of a Jane Austen Spinster”
The idea for this show came to me around my twenty-seventh birthday, with the joke that I was officially a Jane Austen spinster. My rebuttal was that women of Austen’s time did not have to deal with what the modern-day woman does. Cue a one woman show! Using many of my own dating misadventures as a premise, I began to dive into the Regency World of courtship and how you found love during that time versus present day.
During the Regency Era, courtships had many rules to follow. The poem “Receipt of Courtship” states:
Two or three dears, and two or three sweets;
Two or three balls, and two or three treats;
Two or three serenades, given as a lure;
Two or three oaths how much they endure;
Two or three messages sent in a day;
Two or three times led out from the play;
Two or three soft speeches made by the way;
Two or three tickets for two or three times;
Two or three love letters writ all in rhymes;
Two or three months keeping strict to those rules,
Can never fail making a couple of fools.
A receipt for courtship, published by Laurie & Whittle, 1805.
This popular Regency poem summarizes the customary tasks and regulations a young couple should follow. While courtships were usually not prolonged, and lasted a few months, those months were filled with various events and social gatherings. Usually, potential matches were made at social events, such as parties, tea, or other social events. Men usually began the courtship with the young ladies being pursued. Dancing and the art of conversation were a few of the methods used to entice a match. All of this was done under the watchful eyes of a chaperone. Once the match was deemed satisfactory by all parties, a marriage proposal would ensue.
While these matches were still being made for economic and social gain, the Regency Era did enjoy the ideas of love and romance. Novels, including Austen’s, romanticized the idea of marriage, and soon the thought of love matches appealed to young couples. Even Austen’s own characters were found captivated by these ideas. Catherine Morland, from Northanger Abbey, was enthralled by new literature and often found herself daydreaming. Her story is a perfect example of love winning over social and economic gain. Catherine was originally pursued due to rumors of her wealth. When the truth comes to light, John Thorpe and General Tilney wash their hands of her. But Henry Tilney, much to his father’s anger, does not care about Catherine’s status and still proposes.
Catherine Morland and Henry Tilney, Northanger Abbey 1906
In Austen novels, we see grand declarations of love or acts of service that makes our hearts skip a beat. Their idea of love seemed so certain and selfless. One of the most famous examples is when Darcy comes to the Bennet’s aid and not only saves the family from ruin after Lydia’s elopement, but also helps to reconcile Jane and Mr. Bingley. If that was not enough, he then proceeds to make one of the sincerest declarations of love to Elizabeth.
Compared to these ideas of courtship, the modern day of dating seems quite different. Now, I personally love that I was born in this day and age, with rights and luxuries that include the right to vote, running water, and antibiotics. Women have the most freedoms with their lives as of recently, and I personally wouldn’t trade that for anything. But as I sit in my flat scrolling through the profiles and cringing at the comments and requests men send me, I wonder, “What happened to romance?” From my limited experience, ideas of love and romance have been traded in for quick, easy, and low commitment companionship. Having read many Austen novels, I longed for the passionate letters, like the one Wentworth wrote to Anne. In his letter, he bears his soul in a truthful, sincere way that has every reader falling in love with him. Unfortunately, love letters have been traded for ‘you up?’ text messages and acts of service, or any gesture that comes with an unspoken assumption that you now ‘owe’ them something. For many people, this form of dating suits them and they are living their best lives. However, if you do miss the days of meeting potential partners without the aid of a phone, the dating world seems lonely and discouraging. It is a balancing act of wanting the luxuries of the modern world, but the timelessness of romance and chivalry, one that I have yet to master.
“The Novels and Letters of Jane Austen”, Fanny and Edward from Mansfield Park (1906).
And through my journey of comparing modern vs old courtship, the shocking truth I came to discover is that no matter what we do or what we accomplish, people, especially woman, as a whole are still judged by whether or not they are in a relationship. Spinsterhood was a fear that many Austen ladies had. Charlotte Lucas entered a loveless marriage to save herself from the fate of being alone. Miss Bates, a true spinster by Regency standards, relies on the kindness of her neighbors to survive. These women are often commented on and pitied by the other characters. Throughout Austen’s novels marriage is the only way for a woman to secure a place in society. While marriage may not be the end goal as it was during Austen’s time, the fact is that most people still have companionship one way or another. And if you don’t find companionship, you are often judged or questioned as to why not. Out of all the ideals and customs that have progressed and transformed, why is it that we hold on to this idea of partnership? Of course, there are the classic answers, financial aid, peer pressure, etc. However, I tend to find that people still long for love in whatever form. Humans are social creatures, and we are not meant to be alone all the time. We seek out potential partners who will be there for us because at the end of the day, we do not want to be alone.
So, what happens when you don’t want to be alone, but you still long for the old days of romance? Do you accept the circumstances you are given and start swiping? Or do you take a note from Austen and refuse to settle? Either way you are in for an adventure. The same adventure Miss Lilliana goes on.
© Alexandra Jorgenson 2023. If you would like to see Lilliana’s misadventures in her quest for love, Tales of a Jane Austen Spinster is the show for you! The show is currently looking for spaces to perform in and will hopefully be coming to London very soon! More information can be found on her Instagram @wanderess_mermaid or her website.
JANE AUSTEN BIRTHDAY TEA
Celebrate Jane Austen’s birthday at The Austen Tea Room with our founder & chair, Caroline Jane Knight.
$55 per ticket, including a delicious tea with sandwiches, savouries, scones, jam and cream, delicious cakes and sweet treats.
Only 30 tickets available, bookings essential:
Collectable Personalised Bookplates
Bookplates are a traditional way of marking the ownership of books and make an excellent gift for yourself, or a friend.
Select your favourite design (see our bookplates shop for more designs), all exclusive to the Jane Austen Literacy Foundation. The bookplate will be personalised with your (or your friends) name in Jane Austen's handwriting, and emailed as a digital image ready to be printed and pasted into the cover of your books.
